Dealing with Crying in the Workplace

Dealing with Crying in the Workplace

Crying is a natural, normal response to a highly charged emotional situation. The situation could be a negative one or a very happy one. Crying creates a very powerful emotional release in the human body and it's excellent for stress management. In fact, a recent medical article stated that 85% of women interviewed stated that they felt better and were more relaxed after a good cry. However it seems that the opposite is also true; holding in your tears and holding back your emotions seems to have a weakening effect on the immune system.

It seems that crying is becoming more acceptable even for men. America's new speaker of the house John Boehner, has been known to break down publically many times. His chronic public crying even earned him the nickname, "weeper of the house."

Despite the fact that crying is a normal response to stimuli, we must remember there is still a time and place for everything. Therefore tears in the workplace can be as awkward as having a laughing fit at a funeral.

My experience in the field has also taught me that tears can be used as a tool to manipulate and take advantage of others. For those of you who have been in my seminars or read other articles I've written, you know I'm a firm believer in the old adage, "what you allow, you teach."

If you allow someone to constantly physically or verbally abuse you, you are teaching them that it's ok. If you consistently allow someone to walk all over you, you are teaching them it's ok. The same can be said for crying in the workplace. If you let an employee have their way or break normal company culture because they have cried; you're teaching them that tears are the road to your decision making. You've taught them where you're weak and where your buttons are, and you can be sure they'll use the same tactic again for future manipulation.

Now while we don't want to automatically assume that someone's tears are for manipulative purposes; we do want to protect ourselves from such a scheme and at the same time be truly empathetic.
Here are four simple steps you can utilize to correct the problem empathetically.

Step 1 - Take the crier off the floor and into a private meeting room. In this manner you can save them further embarrassment, and help them get better control of themselves. In some cases the privacy may cause them to lose even greater control, but this should be ok. Remember the release of emotions is a great way to let off steam. Depending on the situation you may want to bring an additional person into the room as a witness and for support.

Step 2 - Hand them a tissue! The tissue allows them to dry themselves but also sends two powerful subconscious messages: First: that you are empathetic to their situation and are there to assist in any way you can. Second: that tears in the office place will only get you a tissue--nothing else!

Step 3 - Talk them thru it! This is an important step and must be done empathetically, never sympathetically. An empathetic approach on your part will help you to keep the situation more stable and much more professional. A sympathetic approach means you are getting emotionally involved with the issue and drawn into it. An empathetic approach allows you to remain professionally neutral. With empathy you are putting yourself in their shoes to better relate, with sympathy you are taking ownership of their shoes. Listen to their issues carefully, and when it's your turn to speak use an even, calm, conversational tone.

Step 4 - Consider a time out! - If the above steps are unsuccessful because the crying is so out of control, this may be a good time to give the person a break to be alone, calm down and get better composed. The break should only be about 15 minutes. If you give them a longer amount of time you are teaching them that tears can get them some time off. A professional time-out statement might sound like this: "(Name) in order to help you get better composed; I'll give you a 15 minute break and some breathing room. After about 15 minutes we can resume our talk." After 15 minutes continue your intervention.

People skills are very important in the workplace. I don't know how a business can survive without them. I'm very confident if you need the above tools they will help you out of some tight spots.

I wish you luck & success!